The Most Ridiculous Story Ever Told
Prologue
Before I begin this story let me qualify a few things: A) This story is about a Vacation company (selling condo vacation packages) that Marieta won a couple gifts from. B) Marieta and I are not vacationing in Condos people. C) We don't have any money to spend on future vacations right now. Okay now you're prepared to read the most ridiculous story ever told.
The Most Ridiculous Story Ever Told!!
About a month ago Marieta and I attended The "Taste Of Randolph" one of the billion festivals in Chicagoland. There was free food, raffle drawings to enter, all sorts of craziness, and chefs showing off their skills. One of the raffles we entered was through a travel agency called "Sundance Vacations." There was the possibility to win an Infinity among other prizes. No obligation, why wouldn't we enter the raffle?
Last week, having forgotten completely about that car and raffle, Marieta got a voicemail from Sundance saying roughly "Hi Marieta, this is [insert name] from Sundance Vacations. You entered our raffle to win an Infinity back at the Taste of Randolph. Well I'm callin to say Congratulations! You won... a 2 night stay and a 500 dollar internet shopping spree." Now that is pretty funny in itself, but of course being a vacation agency we had to go in and endure an hour long presentation on their company and vacation packages.
Skip ahead to last night. Marieta and I show up at Sundance Vacations around 645, fill out the paper work, and move into the presentation room.
Now before we continue I demand you follow the progression of salesmenship as the evening progresses. (that's my favorite part).
So in the presentation room, we are chilling out with about 15 other people waiting for this presentation when Dwayne, a 35ish blonde-haired, big smiled schmoozer walks in. He's got all kinds of jokes, useless facts, and funny stories to tell us. The kind of guy you know is trying to sell you stuff but tries his hardest to become buddy buddy with ya. I wasn't taking him seriously at all. He asked what the number one vacation destination was in America, I said Branson. He asked what we were promised, people answered the 500 bucks and marriot stay, I said a million dollars. This goes on for a while. Finally he tells us what they sell. Their package is a Standard package is 25 weeklong vacations in their primo condos in all condo resorts around places like vegas, cape cod, new orleans, all over the carribean, etc. It breaksdown like this 25 vacations costs you $15,000 straight up. Consider the fact that is 25 weeks of vacation in what is a fully furnished two bedroom condo that comfortably fits 6 people. That's a great deal (600 dollars a vacation wholesale, which would cost you a couple grand retail). Of course there is an EVEN BETTER DEAL! The first visit only deal. $12,000, 30 week long vacations, with the possibility to sell "extra inventory" vacations to anyone you want. So that's a deal. Obviously Marieta and I don't have 12 grand to toss these guys on a random tuesday night. After about 30 minutes, a bunch of Dwayne schmooze all over us we finally get to meet our personal sales men.
Meet Jeff, He's a 50ish, short, smiley, friendly, fatherly-like figure. He just got back from Vegas (one of their condos) and it was amazing. blah blah. He tells us the whole scenario and after 20 minutes we tell him we can't swing the cash. THERE IS ANOTHER DEAL! $2,200 down, and 199 a month, with a 16 3/4 APR% and we get all the vacations. Wow, 30 vacations for that deal. That's an incredible deal. we pay the installments till we reach the 12k. We can't swing 2k on a tuesday night either. So we said sorry. Okay, so Jeff gets up to get pictures and show us what we are missing. He comes back and just when we are done with the pictures another sales women sits down. i missed her name but we'll call her temptress.
She is roughly our age and Temptress is sent over to give us the "steals." The deals they would have to be crazy to give away! She is a great sales women. Knows how to connect on our just out of college, broke as a joke level. The first deal 6 vacations (with all the extras of selling vacations) $700 down, $74 a month and 12 3/4% APR. Now 700 maybe we could swing if we felt like loading up our credit cards. I mean look at the steal we're getting. They left, we talked, said no. So the Temptress understands we have no cash and what not. You'd think it would be over but there is another STEAL!
Okay, you have no money, Understand. You're 23 and 24. Have other bills, haven't budgeted for a random vacation offer so here's what we're gonna do. Same APR but you only give us $100 today and whenever you can come up with it bring in the other 600! So basically the tonight only offer has turned into "give us a taste of your cash, and give us the rest of the Down payment whenever." We talk it over once more, same result. So she doesn't even come back. Jeff comes back and we have to tell him no. He is dumbfounded. My interpretations of his mumbling and body language is no one passes up this offer. How can you resist 100 bucks down! HOW IS JEFF GOING TO MAKE HIS NIGHTLY COMMISSION?!?! Sorry Jeff. So he says "Okay well I'm sorry we couldn't work something out with you tonight. Let me take you to my manager, he'll give you your gifts and you can be on your way." It has been an hour and a half.
We walk back to this small office behind a door and sit down at a really nice oak desk. In comes Mr. Sundance Vacations. He tells right away he represents the corporate office. Immediately I think, okay so we've already met The Schmoozer, The Fatherly figure, The Temptress, but they were nothing compared to THE CLOSER! So The Closer asks if all of his employees were nice to us, were the deals attractive and we answer yes to both. He says "Out of curiousity... how much would it take for you to buy one of our packages." After a couple moments I laughingly say "A dollar a month, and a dollar a year." Without a smile or even acknowledging Mr. Closer turns around a piece of paper and says "What would you say if I offered you the whole deal for this." Slowly he starts writing down a number
7
9
5
.00
I'm can't believe what he just wrote down. I say "30 vacations for 800 dollars? No 12,000 or anything just 800 dollars?" He nods. WHAT A COMPLETELY INSANE DEAL! Without skipping a beat Marieta says "I'm sorry but we just don't have any money, we just moved and have other bills. We can't afford to put 800 dollars on our credit cards." Smart girl. That's why I love her. We were both thinking the same thing. They are condos but in locations we aren't relaly gonna use and you don't cover the travel portion and the rest of the cost. We can't do it. Even if it covers every vacation for the rest of our lives. We aren't resort people. We like downtown cities and camping. It isn't gonna work. But can you believe $795.00? That equals: $26.50 for each week of vacation at an over the top resort. And we could sell our vacations to other people for profit. We just have no money and the locations just don't work for us. I tell him "I understand this is a steal. We both love to vacation and everything we just don't have the money. It's like waving a steak in front of a dog." he replies "A dog is smart enough to take the steak." Okay so now you've insulted me. We get our gifts from him and walk out. We laugh all the way home.
Epilogue
Hey, you hear you right now. "Are you two idiots? (possibly a more harsh phrase than idiots) That's an impossible deal and you could sell those vacations!!!" Well all right, I hear ya. Go talk to Sundance. Get the same steal yourself. Just keep feeding them the line we did, you can't afford those prices and eventually you'll be in the back room with the 80 year old toad who hands you the golden ticket. That was more fun than I've had all summer.
Before I begin this story let me qualify a few things: A) This story is about a Vacation company (selling condo vacation packages) that Marieta won a couple gifts from. B) Marieta and I are not vacationing in Condos people. C) We don't have any money to spend on future vacations right now. Okay now you're prepared to read the most ridiculous story ever told.
The Most Ridiculous Story Ever Told!!
About a month ago Marieta and I attended The "Taste Of Randolph" one of the billion festivals in Chicagoland. There was free food, raffle drawings to enter, all sorts of craziness, and chefs showing off their skills. One of the raffles we entered was through a travel agency called "Sundance Vacations." There was the possibility to win an Infinity among other prizes. No obligation, why wouldn't we enter the raffle?
Last week, having forgotten completely about that car and raffle, Marieta got a voicemail from Sundance saying roughly "Hi Marieta, this is [insert name] from Sundance Vacations. You entered our raffle to win an Infinity back at the Taste of Randolph. Well I'm callin to say Congratulations! You won... a 2 night stay and a 500 dollar internet shopping spree." Now that is pretty funny in itself, but of course being a vacation agency we had to go in and endure an hour long presentation on their company and vacation packages.
Skip ahead to last night. Marieta and I show up at Sundance Vacations around 645, fill out the paper work, and move into the presentation room.
Now before we continue I demand you follow the progression of salesmenship as the evening progresses. (that's my favorite part).
So in the presentation room, we are chilling out with about 15 other people waiting for this presentation when Dwayne, a 35ish blonde-haired, big smiled schmoozer walks in. He's got all kinds of jokes, useless facts, and funny stories to tell us. The kind of guy you know is trying to sell you stuff but tries his hardest to become buddy buddy with ya. I wasn't taking him seriously at all. He asked what the number one vacation destination was in America, I said Branson. He asked what we were promised, people answered the 500 bucks and marriot stay, I said a million dollars. This goes on for a while. Finally he tells us what they sell. Their package is a Standard package is 25 weeklong vacations in their primo condos in all condo resorts around places like vegas, cape cod, new orleans, all over the carribean, etc. It breaksdown like this 25 vacations costs you $15,000 straight up. Consider the fact that is 25 weeks of vacation in what is a fully furnished two bedroom condo that comfortably fits 6 people. That's a great deal (600 dollars a vacation wholesale, which would cost you a couple grand retail). Of course there is an EVEN BETTER DEAL! The first visit only deal. $12,000, 30 week long vacations, with the possibility to sell "extra inventory" vacations to anyone you want. So that's a deal. Obviously Marieta and I don't have 12 grand to toss these guys on a random tuesday night. After about 30 minutes, a bunch of Dwayne schmooze all over us we finally get to meet our personal sales men.
Meet Jeff, He's a 50ish, short, smiley, friendly, fatherly-like figure. He just got back from Vegas (one of their condos) and it was amazing. blah blah. He tells us the whole scenario and after 20 minutes we tell him we can't swing the cash. THERE IS ANOTHER DEAL! $2,200 down, and 199 a month, with a 16 3/4 APR% and we get all the vacations. Wow, 30 vacations for that deal. That's an incredible deal. we pay the installments till we reach the 12k. We can't swing 2k on a tuesday night either. So we said sorry. Okay, so Jeff gets up to get pictures and show us what we are missing. He comes back and just when we are done with the pictures another sales women sits down. i missed her name but we'll call her temptress.
She is roughly our age and Temptress is sent over to give us the "steals." The deals they would have to be crazy to give away! She is a great sales women. Knows how to connect on our just out of college, broke as a joke level. The first deal 6 vacations (with all the extras of selling vacations) $700 down, $74 a month and 12 3/4% APR. Now 700 maybe we could swing if we felt like loading up our credit cards. I mean look at the steal we're getting. They left, we talked, said no. So the Temptress understands we have no cash and what not. You'd think it would be over but there is another STEAL!
Okay, you have no money, Understand. You're 23 and 24. Have other bills, haven't budgeted for a random vacation offer so here's what we're gonna do. Same APR but you only give us $100 today and whenever you can come up with it bring in the other 600! So basically the tonight only offer has turned into "give us a taste of your cash, and give us the rest of the Down payment whenever." We talk it over once more, same result. So she doesn't even come back. Jeff comes back and we have to tell him no. He is dumbfounded. My interpretations of his mumbling and body language is no one passes up this offer. How can you resist 100 bucks down! HOW IS JEFF GOING TO MAKE HIS NIGHTLY COMMISSION?!?! Sorry Jeff. So he says "Okay well I'm sorry we couldn't work something out with you tonight. Let me take you to my manager, he'll give you your gifts and you can be on your way." It has been an hour and a half.
We walk back to this small office behind a door and sit down at a really nice oak desk. In comes Mr. Sundance Vacations. He tells right away he represents the corporate office. Immediately I think, okay so we've already met The Schmoozer, The Fatherly figure, The Temptress, but they were nothing compared to THE CLOSER! So The Closer asks if all of his employees were nice to us, were the deals attractive and we answer yes to both. He says "Out of curiousity... how much would it take for you to buy one of our packages." After a couple moments I laughingly say "A dollar a month, and a dollar a year." Without a smile or even acknowledging Mr. Closer turns around a piece of paper and says "What would you say if I offered you the whole deal for this." Slowly he starts writing down a number
7
9
5
.00
I'm can't believe what he just wrote down. I say "30 vacations for 800 dollars? No 12,000 or anything just 800 dollars?" He nods. WHAT A COMPLETELY INSANE DEAL! Without skipping a beat Marieta says "I'm sorry but we just don't have any money, we just moved and have other bills. We can't afford to put 800 dollars on our credit cards." Smart girl. That's why I love her. We were both thinking the same thing. They are condos but in locations we aren't relaly gonna use and you don't cover the travel portion and the rest of the cost. We can't do it. Even if it covers every vacation for the rest of our lives. We aren't resort people. We like downtown cities and camping. It isn't gonna work. But can you believe $795.00? That equals: $26.50 for each week of vacation at an over the top resort. And we could sell our vacations to other people for profit. We just have no money and the locations just don't work for us. I tell him "I understand this is a steal. We both love to vacation and everything we just don't have the money. It's like waving a steak in front of a dog." he replies "A dog is smart enough to take the steak." Okay so now you've insulted me. We get our gifts from him and walk out. We laugh all the way home.
Epilogue
Hey, you hear you right now. "Are you two idiots? (possibly a more harsh phrase than idiots) That's an impossible deal and you could sell those vacations!!!" Well all right, I hear ya. Go talk to Sundance. Get the same steal yourself. Just keep feeding them the line we did, you can't afford those prices and eventually you'll be in the back room with the 80 year old toad who hands you the golden ticket. That was more fun than I've had all summer.
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