Woke up today and started a fire
Rescue Me was intense tonight. Top to bottom. That is my favorite show currently. Wouldn't miss it for an orgy featuring every fantasy girl I've ever harbored...well maybe that. But let's just say you're missing out if you aren't watching that show.
Took a shower and started watching some high fidelity and man that movie rocks. I might have a slight man crush on John Cusack, but only cause he is freaking cool. He hasn't done any good movies since High Fidelity but he's cool as hell. Anyways that movie is all about break ups and Cusack dealing with his break up demons. It got me thinking. Maybe the worst part about having a long relationship break up is the fact you come out of it with pretty much nothing to show for it. I mean people know it happened but I mean you put in three years of work, thousands of dollars, faithful committment (if you're not an asshole), and thousands of man hours and pretty much the only thing you get it is like a month or two of mourning and than you are out scrounging for the next girl. There really isn't even a lesson to be learned. I mean of course there isn't anything negative like "girls suck" or "You should never try because you'll fail." that shit is pathetic. I mean you don't learn any tricks of the trade. Maybe the only trick you learn is to get over em quicker because you've been to dark places of relationship epilogues and you realize that getting ditched and wallowing in it does nothing good for anybody. It just makes you a buzzkill, your friends awkward around you, and you miss out on a lot of fun.
I've also realized that I'm pretty bad at starting relationships. I mean I know how to have fun but I have no idea how to ask a girl out or anything like that. I don't think it is a rejection thing more of a I have no barometer for the right moment thing. What am I talking about. Somebody said that when people say "I just need to be alone for a while" they are lying because being single sucks. They are kind of right and kind of wrong. I have been so busy the last month that I don't really mind it. I mean I've met a lot of girls who are cool but I don't know what I'm doing and even if I did I don't even know if it would be a smart move to try and start a relationship when I'm graduating in 3 months. But that guy is also right because friends are cool but when you share time and thoughts with someone you care about its better than watching football games with your buddies and drinking a beer.
I'm just telling myself this so I can justify to myself it's alright to be alone? yeah, maybe. But you know what I don't give a fuck. The people around me are trying to push me into new girls more than I am trying to get to them myself. I love college, so many people, still holding off responsibilities of the real world, but there are some things I am ready to leave here. Mainly the bar culture. I've had fun in bars but I'm ready to move away and find something to do outside that. I didn't drink till I was 21 and I was proud of it. I justified starting because I said drinking before your 21 is a bullshit rebellious act but now I'm starting to think, yeah that was right but why does starting at 21 make it any cooler. Did I just lie to myself to try out the scene?
Relationships change a person. I mean some people are locked in their moronic ways but I've changed quite a bit in the last 3 and a half years. I was in a band and obsessed with it, now I'm not, I didn't drink, now I do (not a party animal but I enjoy a tasty beverage), I was a vegaterian for the past year (its ended now but if we had stayed together it would have been permenant). There's more but I am starting to think I miss some of those old attributes of me that made me P@. I guess it's an introspective night. Well I'm in a good mood, just feeling the itch to ramble. I am a better listener than a talker so typing this all out is a way of talking to myself without feeling crazy, you know? Alright well this kids gotta crash. Talk to you later.
Took a shower and started watching some high fidelity and man that movie rocks. I might have a slight man crush on John Cusack, but only cause he is freaking cool. He hasn't done any good movies since High Fidelity but he's cool as hell. Anyways that movie is all about break ups and Cusack dealing with his break up demons. It got me thinking. Maybe the worst part about having a long relationship break up is the fact you come out of it with pretty much nothing to show for it. I mean people know it happened but I mean you put in three years of work, thousands of dollars, faithful committment (if you're not an asshole), and thousands of man hours and pretty much the only thing you get it is like a month or two of mourning and than you are out scrounging for the next girl. There really isn't even a lesson to be learned. I mean of course there isn't anything negative like "girls suck" or "You should never try because you'll fail." that shit is pathetic. I mean you don't learn any tricks of the trade. Maybe the only trick you learn is to get over em quicker because you've been to dark places of relationship epilogues and you realize that getting ditched and wallowing in it does nothing good for anybody. It just makes you a buzzkill, your friends awkward around you, and you miss out on a lot of fun.
I've also realized that I'm pretty bad at starting relationships. I mean I know how to have fun but I have no idea how to ask a girl out or anything like that. I don't think it is a rejection thing more of a I have no barometer for the right moment thing. What am I talking about. Somebody said that when people say "I just need to be alone for a while" they are lying because being single sucks. They are kind of right and kind of wrong. I have been so busy the last month that I don't really mind it. I mean I've met a lot of girls who are cool but I don't know what I'm doing and even if I did I don't even know if it would be a smart move to try and start a relationship when I'm graduating in 3 months. But that guy is also right because friends are cool but when you share time and thoughts with someone you care about its better than watching football games with your buddies and drinking a beer.
I'm just telling myself this so I can justify to myself it's alright to be alone? yeah, maybe. But you know what I don't give a fuck. The people around me are trying to push me into new girls more than I am trying to get to them myself. I love college, so many people, still holding off responsibilities of the real world, but there are some things I am ready to leave here. Mainly the bar culture. I've had fun in bars but I'm ready to move away and find something to do outside that. I didn't drink till I was 21 and I was proud of it. I justified starting because I said drinking before your 21 is a bullshit rebellious act but now I'm starting to think, yeah that was right but why does starting at 21 make it any cooler. Did I just lie to myself to try out the scene?
Relationships change a person. I mean some people are locked in their moronic ways but I've changed quite a bit in the last 3 and a half years. I was in a band and obsessed with it, now I'm not, I didn't drink, now I do (not a party animal but I enjoy a tasty beverage), I was a vegaterian for the past year (its ended now but if we had stayed together it would have been permenant). There's more but I am starting to think I miss some of those old attributes of me that made me P@. I guess it's an introspective night. Well I'm in a good mood, just feeling the itch to ramble. I am a better listener than a talker so typing this all out is a way of talking to myself without feeling crazy, you know? Alright well this kids gotta crash. Talk to you later.
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