Woke up in a panic
Last night I woke up at 3 in a severe panic. I havent done that since Junior year of high school. The worst part about that one was I was visiting a friends house and I woke up on his couch in his basement and was up for an hour and a half in a state of shock.
What comprises these panic attacks are as follows: First I wake up in what must be R.E.M. state of sleep and my eyes are just jacked. I cant control them very well, they dont focus much and they just kind of jump in and out of color (it's fucking wierd.) Second I get up and I'm dizzy as shit and my heart is pumping not extremely fast but very heavily. (When got these panic attacks as a kid I remember waking my parents up in the middle of the night to me crying in agony because my heart just felt like a sledge hammer inside my chest.) And finally I just keep thinking of the most illogical things that I can't stop. I wont go into detail about this because to anyone besides me it makes me sound like a looney toon and an idiot. I'm not talking illogical things like I am never going to get a job and be a bum I mean total nonsense like I wake up in the middle of the night and I am freaked out because the easter bunny has run out of eggs and will never return. Now that has never been something I have thought about but it is a perfect example. Because A) The easter bunny doesnt exist B) He wont run out of eggs and it doesnt matter if he never returns. But still I cant stop thinking about it for like an hour and I just lay in bed or walk around in the dark totally freaked out of my mind while my heart is booming like a suped up Acura sitting at a stoplight with it's mega sound system pumping the crudest bass you've ever heard.
Last night this all happened to me and I got up and walked down the hall to the bathroom, first I figured I would just get a drink of water and it would all be cool. The water just made me feel like shit so then I figured I should try and go to the bathroom, so I am sittin on the can with my underwear at my ankles freaking out at 3 in the morning.
I cant go so I return to my room. Instead of goin in the room I just stare for a good 10 minutes at my door and only enter when I see someone down the hall looking at me. by now I've been up for like 20 minutes rethinking the same thought a billion times on repeat and decide to just get in bed and try to sleep. Oh my lord it was hell. The last time I looked at the clock it said 3.53am. I hate it when that happens.
Alright so I just shared a lot of nonsense. I hope I didnt leave out too many words. later
What comprises these panic attacks are as follows: First I wake up in what must be R.E.M. state of sleep and my eyes are just jacked. I cant control them very well, they dont focus much and they just kind of jump in and out of color (it's fucking wierd.) Second I get up and I'm dizzy as shit and my heart is pumping not extremely fast but very heavily. (When got these panic attacks as a kid I remember waking my parents up in the middle of the night to me crying in agony because my heart just felt like a sledge hammer inside my chest.) And finally I just keep thinking of the most illogical things that I can't stop. I wont go into detail about this because to anyone besides me it makes me sound like a looney toon and an idiot. I'm not talking illogical things like I am never going to get a job and be a bum I mean total nonsense like I wake up in the middle of the night and I am freaked out because the easter bunny has run out of eggs and will never return. Now that has never been something I have thought about but it is a perfect example. Because A) The easter bunny doesnt exist B) He wont run out of eggs and it doesnt matter if he never returns. But still I cant stop thinking about it for like an hour and I just lay in bed or walk around in the dark totally freaked out of my mind while my heart is booming like a suped up Acura sitting at a stoplight with it's mega sound system pumping the crudest bass you've ever heard.
Last night this all happened to me and I got up and walked down the hall to the bathroom, first I figured I would just get a drink of water and it would all be cool. The water just made me feel like shit so then I figured I should try and go to the bathroom, so I am sittin on the can with my underwear at my ankles freaking out at 3 in the morning.
I cant go so I return to my room. Instead of goin in the room I just stare for a good 10 minutes at my door and only enter when I see someone down the hall looking at me. by now I've been up for like 20 minutes rethinking the same thought a billion times on repeat and decide to just get in bed and try to sleep. Oh my lord it was hell. The last time I looked at the clock it said 3.53am. I hate it when that happens.
Alright so I just shared a lot of nonsense. I hope I didnt leave out too many words. later
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