Playing with Kids: How I Learned to Holster Our Firearms

Kids and I get along like potato chips and cottage cheese, so good it's scary. Every time I go to a family function, friend's party, or meet new people I always end up becoming their kids best friend. There's no secret to my awesomeness, I just play with kids the way they want to play. Want to pretend the backyard is the ocean? Great, let me grab my imaginary surfboard. Have a load of dragon toys? Fantastic, I've been itching to burn down a castle. Want to draw or make a ton of noise? I was going to do that anyway.

One of my longest running fans is a fun kid named Nolan, who is the son of my wife's best friend from high school. On our fifth or sixth date Marieta submitted me to her friend for approval. On the whole I'm a generally likable guy, but introduce me your kids and there is no way to say I'm anything but the coolest guy in town. Nolan might have been 18 months old, but we hit it off practically as soon as we introduced and have been buds ever since.

Its been nine years since our initial playdate and both Nolan and I have grown up. He's more in to video games and skateboarding than blocks these days, and I'm much more into making movies than playing punk rock guitar. This past August Nolan, me, and his younger brother Austin (who is equally as cool) had another chance to reaffirm our friendship when Marieta and I drove up for a visit.

I was all excited to hang with Nolan and Austin as it had been a good six or seven months, and I thought they would really enjoy the idea of making a movie with me. Of course they LOVED the idea. The problem was... they're boys, and apparently what was true in my day still holds true today; boys love to pretend shoot each other. I asked their parents if it was cool that we make a shoot em up western, they gave the thumbs up, but its still kind of weird to film kids firing imaginary bullets at each other. So, after recruiting their neighbor friend (who is OBSESSED with old westerns) we ran out to the neighboring field and shot the movie. Behold.

The film ended up being pretty fun, and the boys loved it... but I was broken record saying: "No one is dying in this movie." There's a reason guns fly out of everyone's hands and the sheriff arrests the bad guys. It may not have been their ideal ending, but it was the only one I was willing to film.

Cut to Labor Day weekend. Marieta and I attended a small grill out with a couple of our best friends and their kids (two of which I had never really met, and yes we were fast friends). After some mini four-wheeling, swinging, pretending, hoops shooting, and eating the envitable happened: everyone wanted to shoot each other with lasers. Once again I found myself in a quandary: Is it okay for a 32 year-old man to shoot lasers at little kids? I quickly decided that no, it is not. The problem is what do you replace gunfire with?

Without too much thought, I immediately decided the only projectile that provided a suitable replacement for a gunshot wound, was a pie. That's right, I got four boys, ages ranging from 18 months to 6 years-old, to instantly switch from a make believe shoot-out, to a make believe pie fight.

Think about it; is there anything more silly, messy, and downright fun than the idea of a pie splattering all over your face? It is the perfect gun, grenade, laser, or bomb replacement. We played for probably 30-45 minutes hitting each other with imaginary pies. Not just generic "pie," but apple, raspberry, huckleberry, cherry, and pumpkin. Even pies that don't make any sense; meat, waffle, dog, shoe, and "liquid gold" (an idea taken from a recent 48 hour film project film I made with one of the boys).

The pie fight was an amazing success. So much so that when It was time to go home, the remaining child asked when our next pie fight was going to be. Now I ask you what is the measure of success when it comes to playing with kids? Well for me it's always when you get up to go home and the child gets sad, asking when you're coming back. At no point, in our pie fight did any one demand we switch back to lasers, and THAT is success. Ladies and gentlemen, if you're like me and often find yourself cut off from adults during grill outs, camp outs, parties, and various family get-togethers remember this trick. I will leave with this, no one can argue with the pie logic found in the 1996 John Travolta film "Michael."